Sunday, November 27, 2011

Putting my family back piece at a time

I never thought this day would come. after all the heartache and pain. my family will finally be all in one room for the first time in 12 years. hopefully the bad blood will wash away some...but who knows. i had to take that first step in faith and with a quivering voice, i made this happen. i didnt do it for me, i did it for kimberly. i want her to know that people love her no matter what. they can put aside their differences for her. shes important. i never want her to feel the things i have. i never want her to feel rejected by the people that are supposed to be there for your everything...her first day of kindergarten, first christmas program, first day of junior high...her prom, and her graduation from high school and college. i never want her to feel regret that maybe this is all her fault. i have felt that way half my life and i am finally taking a stand against it for her. i am going to put myself in awkward situations, put my feelings on the line, and get my heart broke just so she doesnt have to. this is my job as her momma. i suffer so she feels love. thats all a child should have to worry feeling loved. my mom and dad havent been able to be in the same room since their divorce...and next sunday...they are coming to my house and putting aside the bull for kimberly. and then her christmas program is monday. i really hope this goes well. i want her to know she is loved more than anything...i really hope this doesnt blow up in my face...

Sunday, November 20, 2011

I am ME because...

I’m weird because…

I can’t sleep with my hair down.
I have a no shoes policy in my home.
I wink at the clock any time it’s 11:11.
I love to smell Kimmy’s hair many times a day.
I prefer to NOT cuddle when I sleep.
I like sleeping in the middle of the bed.
I can’t sleep with a top sheet.
I’m scared crickets…like deathly.
I don’t eat pizza unless I have ranch dressing.
I drink from over 5 glasses a day.
I take a scalding hot shower when I can’t get warm.
I have a cheap sunglasses and purse addiction.
I start my shopping in the sales section of every store, and most times I never leave.
I would rather clean up cat poo than empty the dishwasher or blow-dry my hair.
I could eat grilled candy every meal for the rest of my life and be happy.
I would rather watch an entire season in 3 nights on DVD than watch a show weekly.
I do a happy dance when I get a package in the mail.

I’m a bad friend because…

I hate to check my voice mails.
I like being a hermit some days.
I have trouble committing to activities and play dates until the last minute.
I always say what I’m thinking.

I’m a good friend because…

I want to see those I love succeed.
I love and cherish friendship.
I love my friends kiddos like they are my own.
You can show up at my house at midnight to talk about your bad day.
I’m not afraid to get silly and slap happy.
I always say what I’m thinking.

I’m sad because…

I wish my sister lived closer.
I too often get consumed with Momma guilt.
I sometimes let little things get in the way of the big picture.
I need to be better at letting things roll off my back.
I wish I could control my anger better.

I’m happy because…

I am a good momma to miss kimmy.
Kimberly is completely potty trained and in big girl undies! :)
Its Christmas season and I am making thanksgiving dinner!
My entire family will be here for Kimberly’s party…my mom AND my dad…
I’m excited for…
The exciting things going on in our church.
Kimberly being in a “real” daycare and learning new things every day.
Snowman building.
Fireplace cuddling… if only I had a fireplace  lol
Turkey eating.
Movie watching.
Family time.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Another Blessing

Since my last post, i have been blessed so much more. i started a great new job at a daycare/learning center and i thank God for it every day! i love everyone i work with and i am learning more patience and how to better control my anger and the words that come out of my mouth. i am also blessed that my daughter will be starting to attend the learning center i work at in another class. i was lucky enough to qualify for daycare assistance so she can go at a minimal cost...this means more available money for me to use to pay bills down. i believe this is part of Gods plan to get me out of debt for good!! i can do all things thru christ who is within me!! i will get out of debt and i will continue to be blessed in more ways than i know!