Saturday, August 20, 2011
responsibilities of a single mom
as a single mom and the only parent kimberly has ever known...the responsibilities of putting food in her belly and a safe stable roof over her head falls all on my not-so-broad shoulders. this is something i have struggled with since she came into this world almost 3 years ago. i have not been able to find a stable job or had really any extras to spend on her. yes, she has new clothes and she is very well taken care of, but do to cash assistance from the state and food stamps. i write this with more embarrassment then i guess i should. i have been looking for a permanent job since she was 4 months old, with no long term results. something here and there then something fails and im right back where i started. in poverty. so when the chance arose for me to make some real money for a short time i jumped at it like a dog to a bone. only draw back: its out of town and kimberly cannot go with me. this kills me. i am so nervous that something will happen to me or her and i would never forgive myself for it. i am completely relying on my family to take care of her for 2 months so i can better our lives for a short time...and hopefully for the summer seasons to come. i am glad she is so young, she wont resent me for sending her to my sisters. but at the same time, i dont want her to think i am sending her away as a punishment. i am not the best mother in the world and anger gets the best of me sometimes. i want her to know i am doing this for her and to hopefully get my foot in the door of something great...but it feels like i am abandoning her at the minute. i have 2 days left with my baby...then i wont see her for almost 3 weeks...then its only on weekends i can afford to drive home or to my sisters. i really dont know what i would do without such a wonderful sister and brother in law. i hope this adventure is fun for both of us and we are able to grow from it and i am able to provide more adequately for her...at least for a short time. i hope i am not making a huge mistake in leaving her for such a long time. i hope she knows this is all for her.